When people think “Florida” their mind always jumps straight to Disney World, or theme parks in general as there’s a cluster of them in the Orlando area. If you tore yourself away from that magical mouse for just a moment maybe you’d notice the more…natural side of Florida. And I’m not just talking about the beaches. I’m talking state parks.
State parks loaded with dazzling springs and rivers!
State parks loaded with all sorts of rare and wondrous plant and animal life!
State parks whose dazzling springs and rivers happen to be home to one of the most wondrous creatures ever:
VERY ATTRACTIVE UNDERWATER PERFORMERS IN MERMAID COST-I mean, REAL LIVE MERMAIDS! Today we’ll be looking at Weeki Wachee Springs! This small but enchanting piece of old Florida is world famous for its lovely mermaids.
Forget Disney World, this is the place where little girls’ dreams can really come true!
Before we take a look at the famous maidens we need to have a bit of a history lesson about Weeki Wachee (Seminole speak for “Winding Waters”) itself. The tourist attraction was founded in 1947 by Newton Perry, a former Navy Frogman (think Navy SEAL, or combat diver). Now I’m not sure what it was about a junk-filled spring that inspired Perry to start a new business, but the end results were an eighteen seat underwater theater and a junk-free spring.
However, what’s the point of a theater if there are no actors? For this Perry rounded up a group of attractive young ladies and trained them in underwater performance. Not only did they learn how to completely control their movements underwater, they also learned how to eat and drink while submerged. (You try drinking while ten feet underwater!) They also learned how to perform gracefully while handling their most critical piece of equipment: the air hose.
An interesting factoid is that the air hose system used at Weeki Wachee was developed by Perry himself. When you first see the hoses you may be a little disappointed. Why would mermaids need such things? But then you realize these actresses and actors are usually submerged for most, if not ALL of a show. That can be up to thirty minutes! The fact that everyone can smile, dance and swim WITHOUT getting tangled up with the hoses is impressive. In fact, most of the time they act like the hoses are a natural part of them. They rarely fumble or make it seem like the hoses are a hindrance.
You know, you remind me of a peacock I met in Hawaii who liked to lurk near meal tables in search of hand-outs…
Weeki Wachee has always been out in the middle of nowhere. This was especially true for when it first opened. When the rare car actually managed to make its way out to the mystical spring the female performers would wait by the side of the road. Why? Well, with no signs or advertisements around what’s the best way to get attention? That’s right. Fanservice! The ladies would stand there in nothing but their bathing suits. Whether they managed to get only one guest or a hundred, they would always put on a show.
Eventually Weeki Wachee’s fame exploded. During the 1950′s it was one of the United States’ most famous roadside attractions. It was SO famous that even absurdly popular performers like Elvis showed up to catch a show. Why, in Weeki Wachee’s heyday there were up to eight shows a day! But times change, and not always for the better…
Haters gonna hate.
With the decline of traditional roadside attractions and the advent of super duper mega ultra deluxe theme parks, Weeki Wachee began to lose steam. The last few years had been extremely tough to the park: a lease dispute with the South Florida Water Management District nearly resulted in the park’s closure. The dwindling revenue wasn’t helping either.
Weeki Wachee was spared for a while. Sympathetic newscasts and word of mouth landed the park with a surge of donations and newfound interest. But it was still at risk! In the end, would future generations of sparkly-eyed young girls be robbed of their mermaid heroines?
…nope! The mermaids and park are safe and sound. In 2008 Weeki Wachee Springs was designated a state park! It’s now officially protected by the state of Florida.
DON’T PANIC! This part of Weeki Wachee river is very shallow, so if you fall out of your boat you can just walk to shore.
That’s not to say the park is back to how it was in its glory days. It’s still got a bit of a run-down look and feel to it. And honestly there’s not really all that much there. For you swimmers, there’s a small water park called Buccanner Bay that lets you frolic in the spring and river. For you animal lovers, there’s an animal show. There are also several peacocks strutting around. There’s a banquet hall, a few small restaurants and a gift shop…though previously when I went to the gift shop there was a fudge shop in there. Now it seems the fudge shop was replaced with a children’s toy room. (Though apparently the fudge shop just got moved elsewhere. Hooray! Old fashioned Florida fudge is some good stuff)
Water so pure and clear you can drink it right out of the river. No, really! It’s 99% pure.
The biggest attraction after the mermaid shows and Buccanner Bay is the boat ride. Like with Silver Springs you get to hop on a boat and take a relaxing cruise down the river while a guide tells you random facts about the area. Unfortunately this part of the river is very shallow (I’m talking 3-4 feet deep). It seems if there’s too long of a drought the water could become too shallow for the boats to travel down it.
Funny that the river is so shallow considering the spring itself features the deepest freshwater cave system in the United States.
Insert Shredder and turtle soup joke here.
The water is amazingly clear…and amazingly safe to drink! Apparently it’s 99% pure and is always at a refreshing 70-ish degrees. This makes it quite popular with the local wildlife, including the ever popular manatee. It’s also popular with tourists and locals. In the mood for some kayaking? For a small fee you’re allowed to kayak to your heart’s content…but try not to go too far downstream. There IS a current that can drag you pretty far if you’re not careful.
I’ll never stop being amazed at just how blue spring water tends to be.
As with Silver Springs, the deeper the water is the more blue it becomes. It’s at the bluest part of the spring where you’ll find the mermaids…
It’s so blue! SO SO BLUE!
ARE YOU READY?! IT’S MAGICAL MERMAID TIME! LOVELY SINGING MERMAIDS IN THREE…TWO…
This is still a more convincing turtle costume than the ones seen in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III: Turtles in Time.
ONNNNEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!
This pictures amuses me greatly. Doesn’t she look like she’s having a blast?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!! Nah, just kidding. The turtle and sea witch are awesome.
Currently there are only two major shows performed at the springs. The first is the most obvious choice: The Little Mermaid. And of course, it’s based more on the Disney version than the original story. You think the happy ending would be the most obvious indicator of this (LOL SPOILERS) but it’s not! It’s actually…the music! Several of the songs are obviously inspired by the Disney version. Heck, there’s even a tropical sounding song sung by someone with a ‘Jamaican’ accent.
I really wish I had a better seat. You can barely see the fourth mermaid!
The music is also…pretty bad. You know those direct-to-dvd animated musicals for young children? The quality of the songs here is just about on par with those. The singers are decent enough and the tunes light and fluffy, but some of the lyrics are just painful. I SWEAR IF I HEAR OCEAN RHYMED WITH POTION ONE MORE FREAKING TIME-
Notable mention also goes to the pre-recorded voice overs which are just as mediocre as the songs. No one talks naturally. Ever. Everything is either over or underacted. In fact, little kids will probably be the only ones NOT groaning at what they’re hearing.
No more finny fun for our princess. She’s a real girl now!
What you’re SEEING is a different story. I will admit that the choreography of some of the ‘dancing’ is a bit underwhelming, as is the fact that everyone does move pretty slowly. But in a way it almost reminded me of the slow dances seen in kabuki theater (in before lots of ‘LOLWUTS’). Eventually your attention moves away from how slow the movements to how graceful they are.
The fact that no one ever misses a cue despite being completely underwater, unable to use their legs 99% of the time, juggling an air hose and CONSTANTLY HARRASSED BY TURTLES (no, seriously) is pretty impressive. Also impressive are some of the moves they do, such as the multi-mermaid wheel featured in some of the above images. Also worthy of mention are the backflips and underwater fight scene.
Another shot of the mermaid twirl, this time with three maidens and a slightly better view.
The second major show is called “Fish Tails” and is primarily devoted to the history of Weeki Wachee, and also to better showing off just what those mermaids can do. Becoming a mermaid is NOT easy and can take over a year of training before she (or he) is considered ready. These people basically have to act like being underwater is completely natural and comfortable to them. They have to smile and move gracefully even when their lungs are probably about to burst.
USA! USA! USA!
Speaking of lung woe, I should mention the most impressive moment of Fish Tails: The 117 foot dive. One lady is chosen to dive deep within the caves of the spring. On her way down she has an air hose at her disposal. But for her 117 foot swim back up? No hose! She basically has to swim up a twelve story building…on one gulp of air.
The audience is encouraged to hold their breath along with her. But keep in mind the audience is stationary while the swimmer is burning some serious calories on her way back. Also keep in mind the swimmer has to make it back to the surface in time with the show’s pre-recorded audio cues. Usually that means she goes about two and a half minutes without air!
Fish Tails ends with a major FUCK YEAH AMERICA moment. What a way to end the day!
On busier days it’s also possible to see a third ‘show’…which is actually a rehearsal/training session with one of the mermaids. It’s interesting to see how their training is handled. But this training sure does go a long way. ONCE A MERMAID, ALWAYS A MERMAID! No, really. Former mermaids do actually return to the springs every now and then to show that, while they may be getting on in years, they still have that finny magic.
It was a super special day as we got to witness the incredibly rare Bunny Mermaid!
And so ends today’s look at Weeki Wachee Springs. It’s definitely worth a look for those of you tired of the big theme parks, or for those looking to see a more natural side of Florida. Florida really is a beautiful state and it’s a shame that this part of it is constantly overshadowed by the popular tourist attractions. If you’re in the central Florida area this is definitely something you should check out.
…though take note that it is pretty far out in the middle of nowhere. In fact, the city of Weeki Wachee itself is practically a microscopic dot on a Florida map. Do you know what that place’s population is? TWELVE. (Or NINE, according to Weeki Wachee Spring’s official website!) But at least Weeki Wachee’s the only place that can say it has a mermaid for a mayor (or at least a former mermaid).
OFFICIAL SITE OF WEEKI WACHEE SPRINGS!
- G.K. Sil Kamina
